I've been thinking and re-thinking about the direction my life is/has been taking. This has happened each time I've returned from a visit with my friend Mollie. She was my internship supervisor when I was a doctoral student and we've maintained a supportive friendship in the intervening years. This is her second year in West Virginia, working with students at an osteopathic college. And although I still work with some clients through my private practice, I miss the consistent connection with clients. Yet I love teaching.
There's the work with Heal Trauma Fast, which has been tremendously satisfying.
And I love doing art.
There's a part of me that yearns for something new, something different. Some of this I attribute to having grown up in a military family. I have a 3-4 year itch to make big changes. This is an echo of how I grew up -- moving every 2-3 years, with new location, house and need to make friends in each place. It's been both helpful in my work and also something I've struggled with.
This time, it feels different. The DESIRE is different. The urge is different. I have the sense that if I make one choice (stay), I will miss out on opportunities -- a path that will take me in a particular direction. The same for if I make another choice (move), then I miss out on other possibilities -- another path that will take me in a completely different direction. I know it sounds perfectly normal, but I've never had this sense before -- the mutually exclusiveness of the choice point.
So, I've decided to not decide. "I'm open to possibility" is what I've said to a couple of friends.
I'm waiting to figure out what I actually desire.
Then I can find it within myself, maybe.
Unsure,
Suzan
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